Monday, October 29, 2007

Fighting Fear

Thirteen years ago on October 28th, 1994, Kim and I were anxiously awaiting the birth of our first son, when joy turned into tragedy and a birth followed with a funeral. I don't mention this for your sympathy, for God has carried us and blessed us many times over since. We have 4 healthy beautiful children and are anxiously awaiting bringing home our two from Liberia. But the baby shower on Saturday resurfaced many of those same feelings for Kim. Two weeks after her shower in 1994, Kim and I lost Jeremy. She was 36 weeks pregnant, and all the clothes and gifts she imagined using with our son, she soon afterward had to put into storage. So each of the beautiful outfits she has already imagined Josiah getting dirty in or wrestling in, and Gabriella she imagines as a sweet, innocent princess, all braided and bright smiled. We can't wait to squeeze each outfit with them in it. But fear has creeped in. What if we loose our referrals? What if some complication is found with the embassy interviews? What if some family member comes and takes them back? What if? We remind ourselves of verses like

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear - 1 John 4:18

Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come, But He will save you." - Isaiah 35:4

We're just being vunerable when we say "it's not easy". So we'd just appreciate your prayers for us to continue to be faithful, to continue to trust, and to continue to be patient. We don't want fear to rob our joy. Thanks!


Becky said...

My heart hurt reading this post. I guess because I relate so much to your past pain and your current fears.

I am praying that your joy will continue and that the "what-ifs" won't steal that joy.

I can't wait to celebrate with you at the end of this journey.


blessedmommy said...

We will be lifting up your family in prayer. May God give you comfort and peace and take away your fears.
In Christ,
Melissa Arnold (AOH family)

Scott and Katy said...

I know that very fear, from experience, and through this adoption. The wisdom the Lord has given you in His word is such and incredible reminder.

Praying for you... you are sooo close!

Can't wait to see some pics of those kiddos being squeezed in those clothes!


Missy said...

Praying for your hearts and a beautiful end to your story. Missy